The Room

If you think that granting The Room complete control over our lives is as important as breathing air then you’re suffering from very serious nearsightedness. You’re focusing too much on what The Room wants you to see and failing to observe many other things of much greater importance such as that it thinks it would be a brilliant idea to incite racial hatred. Unequivocally, it’s too clever by half. Its “brilliant” idea does little more than prove that after hearing about The Room’s fractious attempts to ignite a maelstrom of favoritism, I was saddened. I was saddened that it has lowered itself to this level.

Here’s the story: The Room is like a magician who produces a dove in one hand while the other hand is giving lunatics control of the asylum. Yes, The Room may have some superficial charm, but it claims to have data supporting its assertion that it has achieved sainthood. Naturally, it insists that it can’t actually show us that data—for some unspecified reason, of course. My guess is that it’s hiding something. Maybe it’s hiding the fact that its dictatorial dream is starting to come true. What could be more merciless? Well, you don’t need Sherlock Holmes to solve that mystery. Heck, you probably don’t even need Scooby Doo.

After hearing Mr. Tommy Wiseau say that his writings are a veritable encyclopedia of everything that is directly pertinent to mankind’s spiritual and intellectual development, I felt that someone needed to write a dissenting opinion. Here, I deviate from the standard formula of coddling the usual victims and lionizing the usual heroes to point out that Tommy pretends to be supportive of my plan to call his bluff. Don’t trust him, though; he’s a wolf in sheep’s clothing. Before you know it, he’ll force square pegs into round holes. Not only that, but one of the bewildering paradoxes of our time is the extent to which Tommy is willing to defile the present and destroy the future, especially given that he himself would be affected by such actions.

I look with horror at Tommy’s vile treacheries and can’t help but think that if you’ve read this far then you probably either agree with me or are on the way to agreeing with me. There is a subtle difference between offering help to people in need and winning the culture war and saving this country. The difference lies between the objective potential and the subjective organization needed to realize that potential. In other words, we must criticize Tommy’s complicity in the widespread establishment of oligarchism. To do anything else, and I do mean anything else, is a complete waste of time.

Tommy alleges that the world is crying out to labor beneath his firm but benevolent heel. Naturally, this is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing. I am being utterly serious when I say that we must remove our chains and move towards the light. It is not uncommon for Tommy to victimize the innocent, penalize the victim for making any effort to defend himself, and then paint the whole sleazy affair as some great benefit to humanity.

This is not wild speculation. This is not a conspiracy theory. This is documented fact. There isn’t a man, woman, or child alive today who thinks that it is sappy to question The Room’s philippics, so let’s toss out that ridiculous argument of The Room’s from the get-go. Believe it or not, The Room has come extremely close to bribing the parasitic with the earnings of the productive. True story. Anyhow, The Room’s half-measures are geared toward the continuation of social stratification under the rubric of “tradition”. Funny, that was the same term that its dupes once used to herald the death of intelligent discourse on college campuses. When I look back I think, “Connoisseurs of savagism will surely appreciate The Room’s role in interfering with a person’s work performance, bodily security, physical movement, and privacy rights.”

He who passively accepts evil is as much involved in it as he who helps to perpetrate it. Of course, people like The Room who do in fact perpetrate evil gag free speech. The Room says that “the truth”, “the whole truth”, and “nothing but the truth” are three different things. Whenever I hear such statements from The Room I reel in disbelief. Does it really believe such raving things? It is only when one has an answer to that question is it possible to make sense of The Room’s principles because The Room knows what it wants, and it knows how to get it. What it wants is to rub salt into our wounds. I get so confused with all the various pejoratives that The Room throws around like confetti.

I don’t know how to say this delicately so I’ll just say it: I propose we start by providing light, information, and knowledge about The Room’s churlish equivocations as that will get people thinking about how the point is that if everyone spent just five minutes a day thinking about ways to study the problem and recommend corrective action, we’d all be a lot better off. Is five minutes a day too much to ask for the promise of a better tomorrow? I hope not, but then again, The Room’s commentaries are utterly meaningless. That is, they usually begin by saying something about how zabernism is a be-all, end-all system that should be forcefully imposed upon us, and then they continue on with a random assortment of tacked-on phrases until they finally slam into a period. The Room’s commentaries would be a lot clearer if The Room simply came out and said that the last time I heard it ramble on in its characteristically bibulous blather it said something about wanting to fan the flames of lexiphanicism into a planet-spanning inferno. I feel sorry for the human race when I hear stuff like that.

Room 02

I did not let a robot write this review, it’s not true! It’s bullshit! I did not use a robot! I DID NAAHT. Oh, hi Mark.

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